I just want you to be happy by little_profiler

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Story Note:

Sort of songfic.

The story was written before I had a beta-reader - and I'm not a native speaker. So any hints, remarks whatever are very much welcome. :)
Title: I just want you to be happy
Pairing: Morgan/Garcia
Rating: um… I don’t know, maybe G?
Disclaimer: Criminal Minds and its characters don't belong to me, they belong to CBS. However, I love to borrow them at times.
warnings: well… actually… this is my first English fan fic and the first one I ever post “ and most of all I’m not a native speaker

She couldn’t quite believe it. She was sitting here in this room in front of the huge mirror dressed in a white robe waiting for the music to start. She was a little apprehensive for the team hadn’t arrived yet. She hoped they would make it, she couldn’t marry Kevin without her friends, her family with her. She could hardly remember the last few months. After she’d been shot her relationship with Kevin had developed incredibly fast “ and then suddenly he'd made the proposal. Penelope had been in a complete state of shock for at least three days before she could finally answer his question. And the answer had been “yes”.

A knock on the door almost made her jump. “Who is it?” she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper.

“It’s us.” JJ’s familiar voice came through the door.

Penelope breathed a sigh of relief. They’d made it to the wedding in time, thanks to their own plane. Smiling widely she opened the door and let the team in.

“Oh, you look so beautiful.” JJ smiled and hugged her friend.

“Congratulations, Pen.” Spencer held out his hand to her and was a little shocked when she threw her arms around his neck and pulled him into a close hug.

“Thanks, Spencer.” she whispered.

Emily seemed to be a little out of her element. Although their relationship developed quite well, Penelope was not really her best friend.

“Emily, I’m glad, you managed to be here.” Penelope smiled and hugged her, too, which made the other agent feel a little more comfortable.

Penelope shook hands with Hotch and then looked around. “Where’s Derek?” she asked.

“Um…” Spencer cleared his throat. “He… is not here.” great, Spencer, that is obvious, isn’t it? “He… needed to visit his mother, she’s… um… ill, I guess.”

Penelope’s heart sank. Derek was her best friend, probably the best she ever had. She needed to talk to him before she walked down the aisle. He was the only person on this planet who would tell her the truth if she asked him whether this was a mistake or not. “I understand.” she simply said.

Hotch watched the sad expression on her face for a moment and then said: “Maybe we should go in before they start the music.”

The others agreed and followed him out of the room. Only JJ stayed with Penelope for she was her bridesmaid. Penelope had considered to ask Emily, too, but condemned the idea after Emily’s shocked reaction to the invitation. Now she was glad she was alone with JJ.

Penelope once more examined herself in the mirror. “JJ, is this right?” she asked in a low voice.

JJ gave her a baffled look: “What do you mean?”

“This”, she shrugged, “the whole… wedding.”

“Oh, of course it is.” JJ smiled and put an arm around her shoulder. “Pen, you are just nervous, that’s all. You love Kevin, don’t you?”

She nodded. At least I guess so, she thought.

“You wouldn’t have excepted the proposal if you didn’t. So I don’t see a problem.” she hugged her and added: “You just got cold feet, that’s normal.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” she whispered.

“Of course, I am.” JJ assured her. “Now, talk to me, Pen. What’s wrong? This is not about you doubting your decision, is it?”

“Spencer lied to me, right?” she asked avoiding JJ’s look.

“About what?” the younger blonde asked in confusion.

Penelope looked into her eyes and shrugged: “About Derek, why he’s not here.”

“Ah, come on, Pen, you know him.” JJ put her off. “He doesn’t care about the whole wedding stuff. I’m sure he’ll show up later. He probably thought since your wedding’s here in Chicago anyway, he could visit his mother. He rarely gets the chance to do so.”

Penelope nodded and was silent for a moment. She couldn’t imagine to do this without him at her side. They’d been so close. At least she’d thought so, but maybe she was wrong.

The music started and Penelope took in a deep, slightly shaking breath.

“Come on, Pen, don’t look so serious.” JJ smacked her slightly on the back. “You’re going to marry the men of your dreams.”

Penelope gave her the most honest smile she could manage and thought I’m not that sure about this.

JJ led Penelope to the altar where Kevin stood, waiting, smiling at her.

Penelope had to force herself to smile back and step towards him. She hardly heard the words the reverend said during the ceremony. She still hoped for the door to fly open and Derek running in, apologizing that he was late. But fat chance of that!

Finally the reverend asked Kevin the whole litany of better or worse, till death do them part. And Penelope heard him say “I do”.

She took in another deep breath, even more shaking than the one minutes ago. The reverend repeated his words, this time addressing to her. She couldn’t do this. She simply couldn’t. It felt wrong. Why did it feel so wrong? JJ was right, she loved Kevin. But maybe that wasn’t enough.


Derek sat in the dark living room, thinking, waiting for his mother to return. He knew she wouldn’t be there when he came here and he was relieved about the fact. He needed time to think. Penelope was going to marry Kevin, so this was probably the happiest day of her life. He should feel happy for her, be happy with her, shouldn’t he? The problem was that he couldn’t. He didn’t know how he felt. It just hadn’t felt right to be there with her and watch her getting married to another man. He was her best friend, he should be with her. But for some reason he simply couldn’t.

When the silence became bone-crushing he decided to turn on the radio, which was probably not the best decision. He covered his face with his hands when he listened to the lyrics of Kalan Porter’s “I don’t wanna miss you”. Yeah, that was definitely the song he needed at the moment!

Maybe we lived our lives in chains
Maybe we never were just friends
And the days go by
And I wonder why
you’re still holding up the sky

Was it possible? Were they really more than just best friends? They had been so close before Penelope had met Kevin, but hardly anything serious had ever happened.

I don’t wanna miss you so much baby
I don’t wanna miss you all the time
I don’t wanna drive my self so crazy
And lie awake in someone else’s arms
But I do

Oh, yeah, he did! How often had he laid in some woman’s arms, wondering why the embrace couldn’t comfort him, couldn’t keep him warm, couldn’t chase away the nightmares he had after some of the really bad cases. One smile of her and the tension he much too often felt after such a rough case was gone.

Right on time
The cymbals crash
And the tears you thought were gone
Have come to town again
Maybe my love wrecks everything
Maybe emptiness is key
There's a radio that calls your name
Everytime I hear it sing

Right, if he told her about his feelings now, he would wreck everything. Penelope deserved something better. She deserved to be happy and if it wasn’t with him he was the only person in the world to be blamed for that. He had waited too long. He had thought that she would be always there and he had plenty of time to explore the feelings that developed between them. Explore… Derek laughed at himself. He hardly ever admitted that he actually had feelings for her “ and if asked about it, he’d probably denied it. Hell, he had denied it when his mother suggested he was in love with Penelope.

I don’t wanna miss you so much baby
I don’t wanna miss you all the time
I don’t wanna drive my self so crazy
And lie awake in someone else’s arms
But I do
Baby I do
Maybe I'll chase the moon this time
Maybe I'll get it right this time
I was standing in your doorway
Hoping one day you'd be mine
But I don't wanna miss you so much baby
I don't wanna miss you all the time

Derek switched the radio off again. He had to do something. He couldn’t simply let her marry another man without knowing how he felt about her. So he grabbed his jacket and hurried to his car hoping he was not too late “ again.


Penelope was shaking, unable to speak, knowing that all eyes laid upon her, waiting for her response. She couldn’t do it, she couldn’t say the words. Although she wanted to, didn’t want to hurt Kevin, she simply couldn’t. This wasn’t right and she knew it. Kevin was wonderful, caring and she liked him, liked him a lot. But as much as she wanted this to work, for him, she couldn’t marry Kevin. He simply was not… Please, Lord, send me someone who saves me from this embarrassment!

At that moment the door behind her flew open and Penelope heard a familiar, jet slightly breathless voice. “Pen, don’t… please, don’t do it!”

Slowly she turned around and gave him a puzzled look.

“I mean”, Derek run his hand over his head, he definitely was not good at such things as telling somebody how he felt, but now he had to, there was no turning back anymore, “please, Penelope, listen to me… just… for a minute. I… need to tell you something. I mean, I don’t want you to blow the whole thing but… I want you to know all the choices you have.” He took a deep breath and looked straight into her eyes: “The reason why I felt I couldn’t be here with you today was… not that I don’t… like weddings. It was just that I… couldn’t watch you marry him. Sorry, Kevin, this is not about you, I mean, you’re a nice guy and I know that you are good to her… for her. But… Penelope, I… I love you.”

This was followed by a long silence. JJ stared at him in shock. Hotch just smiled.

Penelope’s eyes were filled with tears. She couldn’t believe that he finally said the words she had been craving to hear from him for years.

“I just wanted you to know.” he added, his voice barely more than a whisper. “As I said I’m not here to stop you from marrying him. I’m just here to tell you how I feel. If you love Kevin, then go ahead and marry him. I just want you to be happy, as happy as you can ever become, because you only deserve the best. But if you don’t love him, if… if there’s any chance that you feel the same for me as I feel for you, then please don’t do it! Give us a chance! I know I… should have told you before but… I… I never thought I could love anyone until I met you. And I didn’t realize how much you mean to me until I almost lost you. I wanted to tell you back then when you were in hospital. But then Kevin showed up and I watched the two of you look at one another and I… I simply didn’t want to wreck that by telling you. I know, I’m about to wreck everything now, but… I could never forgive myself if I hadn’t at least tried. I never loved someone as much as I love you, Penelope, and I can’t imagine a life without you. But if you can’t love me, I understand that. And then I’ll go right now and never talk about that again.” he turned towards the door and slowly stepped forward.

“Derek”, she whispered, “please, don’t go. Let me… give you an answer.”

He hesitantly turned back to face her, not sure he wanted to hear what she had to say.

Penelope looked at him and the tears ran down her cheeks. Then she turned back to Kevin, looked into his eyes and tried to give him a smile. After a while she looked back into Derek’s eyes, filled with fear and hope at the same time. “I…” she finally started, took a deep breath and looked down to the floor. “I’m sorry.”

Derek’s heart sank, although he probably could have known she would react like this. Her relationship with Kevin was something true, something good. Derek knew that and Penelope knew it even better. The relationship with him was something insecure. His reputation with women wasn’t exactly auroral. He hardly ever had had something that was long enough to call it a relationship. But he knew that it would be different with her.

Penelope raised her head and looked at Kevin. Then she did something Derek had never expected. She took the golden ring from her finger and gave it back to Kevin. “I’m so, so sorry.” she whispered.

Kevin gave her a sad smile and answered softly: “I wondered when you’ll figure it out.”

Penelope slightly kissed him on the cheek, then turned, ran over to Derek and threw herself into his arms.

He couldn’t believe this was really happening. He saw her handing back the ring and his heart skipped a beat. She ran to him, threw her arms around him and he thought he could die right on the spot. He never felt so happy before. Derek looked at her and smiled. He desperately wanted to kiss her but considered that this was probably not the right place nor the right time. So he grab her hand, pulling her out of the chapel into the hallway where they were alone.

Yeah, this feels right, absolutely right. Penelope thought when she held him tight. When they finally broke apart and she looked at him, she could tell from the look in his eyes that he was as happy as she was at the moment “ and she could see what he wanted to do. Her heartbeat sped up at the thought of their first kiss. She giggled, when he grabbed her hand and ran with her in the hallway, where he immediately pulled her back into his arms.

For a moment he just held her, looked into her eyes and smiled.

“You know, I was about to say ‘no’.” she whispered. “Thanks for saving me from the embarrassment of having to explain that.”

“Would you explain that to me?” he asked softly.

Penelope smiled at him and answered: “He was wonderful and caring. I really enjoyed the time with him and I… I think I loved him… in a way. But he was not… he was not you.”

Derek’s smile widened but he couldn’t say something.

“He… does not laugh like you, he doesn’t make me laugh like you and… I simply don’t love him as much as I love you.” she whispered.

“I love you so much, baby girl.” he smiled. Then he slowly bend forward, his eyes portraying his love and his desire for her. Finally his lips touched hers and he threw up a ‘thank you’ towards heaven. Her lips were incredibly soft and he could smell the perfume he liked so much. This kiss heated his body, his blood. He never felt like that before with a simple kiss.

Penelope let out a soft sigh when their lips finally met. She was in heaven finally getting the kiss she has been craving for such a long time. How often had she dreamed about this first kiss, but it was even better than in the wildest of her dreams. She willingly parted her lips to allow the kiss to deepen. And suddenly the world around them stopped revolving. Yes, this felt so right.
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